Whenever an oddity of English spelling or grammar comes up in class, I have a mini-lesson in my back pocket about "Why I Hate the English Language." (I don't, of course...but English does have some twisted spelling, grammar, and conventions...which can make it difficult to learn the rules.) But the grand majority of my students only speak and write English fluently, so this is a fun detour to take.
It happens often enough that I took the time a few years ago to develop a sequence to playfully challenge my students’ assumptions about English. I’ve found that taking a little time to prepare for this eventuality is worth it. (And, honestly, it’s purposeful fun—purposeful, because I hope students actually learn something…and fun for me to teach it!)
Here’s how the mini-lesson plays out:
The instigating event can be any sort of horrible grammar or spelling situation—usually a spelling error I’ve written on the board, or a usage problem in my own speech—which I immediately capitalize upon. I bellow, “Aaargh, you guys…English is just the WORST language!”
Eyebrows shoot up around the room, and students start side-eyeing to their classmates.
“What, you don’t believe me? Okay, let me show you how awful English is!”
I continue: “How do you pronounce this part of a word?” On the board I write it out:
-ough
The students usually respond in chorus:
“Uff.” “Ooo.” “Owe.” “Off.”
So I start writing:
enough
trough
slough
through
though
thorough
thought
About this time the class starts laughing...as they start to realize what I'm getting at.
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So we proceed:
On the board I write:
mouse
louse
house
I ask, “What if you have more than one mouse? Then you have...”
“Mice.”
I ask, “What if you have more than one louse?”
(Depending on the group, there is sometimes quite a pause here before someone eventually proposes:) “Lice?”
I ask, “How about more than one house? Hice? NO. Of course it’s…” and I write “houses” on the board. And I remind them: “English is the WORST language!”
---
We go on.
On the board:
goose
moose
caboose
By now they are getting it: “Geese!” “Meese!” “Cabeese! HA!”
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Finally, the clincher: “How would you pronounce this word?” as I write a mysterious word on the board:
ghoti
Predictably, someone says it: “Goatee.”
To which, I respond, “WRONG!”
They look at me, bemused.
I continue: “Of COURSE it should be pronounced ‘fish.’”
More bemused faces.
I explain, spelling it out on the board:
"gh" says "f" in enough
"o" says "i" in women
"ti" says "sh" in motion
“Clearly, ghoti should be pronounced ‘fish.’”
With a wink and a smile, I wrap up the lesson: “I hate English.”
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My students do know I'm joking. (Really.) They know me well enough to know that I like to chase rabbit trails like this just for sport. Generally, just-for-fun mini-lessons like this one are a one shot deal that help them get to know me, and hopefully help them see that I have interests and thoughts beyond just the subject I'm teaching them.
Dave’s Faves
Here are three things I’m absolutely loving right now that I hope you might love too…
Dave’s Fave #1: Living in a walkable town
I grew up in suburban Los Angeles, so moving to Sioux Center was a bit of a “thing” for me. This town has about 8000 people or so, and even after living here for all of these years, it often feels like a very small town to me.
But you know what? I’ve come to really love living here. There are tradeoffs, for sure. One thing I absolutely love, however, is how walkable this town is. That is not something to take for granted, for me at least!
Dave’s Fave #2: Famous Dave’s Spicy Dill Pickles
Lately when I am craving a salty and/or spicy snack, these babies fit the bill. What can I say…I like what I like.
Dave’s Fave #3: Seven Swans by Sufjan Stevens
Sufjan Stevens’s music is perhaps not for everyone. I definitely enjoy and appreciate his indie-folk-rock style with deep spiritual themes, and his album Seven Swans is perhaps the most on-the-nose, combining a lot of Biblical imagery with plunky banjo and acoustic guitar. “We Won’t Need Legs to Stand” might be my favorite on this album, but I don’t think there is a bad song to be found here.
The Last Word!
We’re into the busy rush of Spring now, friends. I always feel like that last chunk of the school year from when we turn the calendar to April right up to the time we close up this academic year is just a blur of activities. I hope you’ll be able to find a few moments of peace every day from now until this school year wraps up for you.
It seems crazy to say this, but I’m already working on my summer schedule, and I’ve already filled in a few spots for summer professional development sessions in May, June, and August. If you’re a school leader and might like to have me come and work with your teachers, please reach out! If you are a teacher and find things I’m sharing in this newsletter beneficial, encouraging, or equipping, consider giving your leadership a nudge. I can do both in-person and distance sessions, and I’d love to work with you. You can find out more on my Speaking and Presenting page, and then get in touch. Let’s make a plan!
What I really like about this playful lesson is that it helps students analyze what they have learned mostly unconsciously through immersion: word pronunciation. The lesson should raise empathy for English language learners who cannot rely on set pronunciations for certain letters or letter combinations in English.